I knew this day would eventually come. To be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to it. But I could never wrap my brain around why. Perhaps I was just scared. But today was the day.
Micah came home from school today and explained that kids at school said he was adopted and had another mother. He asked us if that was true.
We have always told our sons they were born in Guatemala and celebrated their heritage. But for the past couple years, they thought everyone was born there. We repeatedly explained that we weren’t born in Guatemala, but it never sunk in. According to Micah, “even Jesus and Santa Claus were born in Guatemala”. That was his perceived reality … at least until today when he was told by his peers that he was different.
My first reaction was anger and sorrow. I was angry that these kids might have told Micah this information to be mean to him. I was sad that that they might have hurt his feelings because they didn’t know the truth about adoption and his story. And of course, there was the fear that perhaps somehow my son would view us as people other than his parents who loved him. We planned to have this conversation with our sons eventually, but sometimes things don’t go as planned. At least we had read a lot of books that prepared us for the question. I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself as we ate dinner.
After dinner Amelia and I explained to Micah and Elliot in further detail how they came to be our sons. In short, we told them that their birth mother (tummy mamma) loved them very much, but that she could not take care of them. She loved them enough to give them to us so that we could take care of them and become their “forever parents”. We explained how Amelia and I tried to have babies from Amelia’s tummy but couldn’t and that we were very sad. But God had different plans. He gave us the gift of children through Micah and Elliot. And even more, we believe it was God’s plan all along. We told them that adoption is not second best or less special than being with a tummy mamma. God chose to give them to us and we are so very thankful that they are our sons. We were proud of their heritage and story and loved them both so, so, so very much.
We talked for a long time and explained our story in several ways. We even used Kung Fu Panda 2 as an example of adoption. I could see the wheels turning in Micah’s head. His eyes told me that he was contemplating this information. Then, he asked us the name of his tummy Mamma … And suddenly, after years of wondering to myself when it would happen … It was happening …
… and then just as quickly as he asked about his tummy mamma, he began talking about a video game …
Maybe it sunk in. Maybe it didn’t. We gave Micah and Elliot hugs and encouraged them to ask us questions about their story whenever they had them in the future. I am sure there will be more questions. Maybe it will be tomorrow. Maybe it will be next week or next year. But the questions will come, and we will answer them when they do.
For now, I know this: our sons KNOW that we love them and we are one more step further into our story together. It wasn’t a bad day after all.
It’s funny (not funny ha-ha, but funny interesting) because I don’t even think of them as being adopted. There are so many times that I see you in Micah’s mannerisms and expressions….. I honestly cannot imagine loving them more if Amelia was their “tummy momma”.
I’m sure today was the first of many conversations you will have with them about this, and I’m also sure they will always know how much you love them. Love you. Love Amelia. And love your boys so very much! =) Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing this Scott. Your sons are lucky to have you as their parents.
Thank u for sharing! I continue to learn so much about being parents from you guys and am so grateful for that gift in my life!!!
thank you so much for sharing! I admire you as parents… and you are a rich blessing from the Lord to Micah and Elliot.
Like Kerri said, we all knew this day would come. It sounds like you and Amelia did a good job of explaining the reality of adoption to Micah and Elliot. I am also convinced that this will not be the end of this conversation with the boys! The good news is that it will only get easier. I do think that you should talk to Micah’s teacher and the school counselor to make sure that the kids in Micah’s school understand adoption. Know that your Dad and I love each one of you so very much and we are so thankful that Micah and Elliot are part of our “forever family”. You and Amelia are great parents! We are very proud of each of you!
Guy… no comments. I am really thanks GOD for your lives and how you let him guide you to show HIS love to your kids.
You guys are the best! You are a true living example of how God says we are grafted in- those boys are grafted into your family and are a perfect fit… definitely God’s plan! You did a great job and will continue to have the right words as the years go on. Love you all!
Scott, I’m so proud to call you friend and I look forward to the day I meet your family! You are an amazing dad as I’m sure Amelia is an amazing mom and God had a plan much larger than what we can even see. Thank you for busting down the walls to adoption and what is going on in Guatemala!